Zombie headcave

I feed this belly (of the BAWT) daily, and I force it to regurgitate the food I feed it at least three times a week. Sometimes, it vomits over a ton of food at once.

Break from work binge

I've been slaving away at completing this thesis, now a task that seems to be driving me insane. It is probably just the environment in Binghamton, both the city itself and the department of geosciences that has fucked me over, but I've grown very disenchanted with academia, a field that until very recently I had no doubt of making some sort of career in. I keep telling myself that after I finish this piece of esoteric literature, I can continue onwards to a more meaningful study with a more diligent, attentive advisor whom I already have developed an excellent rapport with. Then I find myself predicting the future way too much. I envision myself in 5 or 6 years in a light I don't necessarily want to live in. This is a detriment to my present work. I sometimes hate myself for it.

I've been drinking too much (coffee) and smoking too much (tobacco) and I haven't been taking pictures, writing prose or sketching any emotions onto paper, nor have I been reading the many books that I begin only to lay on the shelf and ignore. If I cannot accept this lifestyle, then why continue?

I feel like I've been lying to myself. I vacillate endlessly.

Stepping out of the trance

I heard some extraneous account of whalers trying to save a penguin from a hoard of orca whales today. They killed tons of whales to try and save one penguin, the water brimming crimson from the spilled orca blood. I'll take this as a poetic analogy to how Congress is trying to solve the economic crisis. It should just allow the practice of fractional-reserve banking to die gracefully, or at least to transmogrify into something more stable. I'll continue to be a stoic observer.