Sunday, October 26, 2008

Break from work binge

I've been slaving away at completing this thesis, now a task that seems to be driving me insane. It is probably just the environment in Binghamton, both the city itself and the department of geosciences that has fucked me over, but I've grown very disenchanted with academia, a field that until very recently I had no doubt of making some sort of career in. I keep telling myself that after I finish this piece of esoteric literature, I can continue onwards to a more meaningful study with a more diligent, attentive advisor whom I already have developed an excellent rapport with. Then I find myself predicting the future way too much. I envision myself in 5 or 6 years in a light I don't necessarily want to live in. This is a detriment to my present work. I sometimes hate myself for it.

I've been drinking too much (coffee) and smoking too much (tobacco) and I haven't been taking pictures, writing prose or sketching any emotions onto paper, nor have I been reading the many books that I begin only to lay on the shelf and ignore. If I cannot accept this lifestyle, then why continue?

I feel like I've been lying to myself. I vacillate endlessly.

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Blogger Vila H. said...

Congratulations. You are now a bona fide graduate student. There is no escape.

10:56 PM  

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