Tuesday, February 06, 2007

detour (whole in the ground)

The feeling had changed from an amalgam of hope, passive joy and mild relief to a deep idleness, a dread of being left behind when all others were being washed towards the island of progress. Sabbatical? Sub-par performance? Poor writing? The supposed strength became an obvious weakness, as the lion sinks its teeth deep into the shoulder, rendering limbs lifeless and void of use. The mind is still in shock; there were no clues to be seen prior to the straightforward statement. You remember being told this, “Be ready for anything at anytime from anybody.” Have you forgotten it? Maybe you have had enough good fortune to forget it.

I undoubtedly have had good fortune, yet I don’t think this is the shock of receiving distraughtly sudden news. I feel I was in a perpetual state of passivity, as you have mentioned with my now dreadful feeling if idleness. In fact, I feel most of the time I am passively pensive, perturbed or downtrodden. Sometimes I feel as if I take the people I meet for granted. I do have an idea of poor states of the mind, of the heart, or of misfortune. I create my own misfortune that counters the positive actions done towards me. I feel it is my intrinsic reaction to embrace sadness through happiness. It creates a sense of being that I feel is who I am.

Well, all I am saying is misfortune is universal. And don’t get too emotional you damn vagina.

Takes one to know one, sunshine.

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Blogger husk said...

I wonder if this a confrontation between your gay and hetero sides?

2:37 PM  

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